I wonder what would happen, if for one day, the world made sense? If for one day, the world wasn't complicated at all. Would the world implode? Would we all just curl up where we are and stop living life because we know what it's about? I think it would be impossible unless you were like some mad crazy religious leader and believed so deeply in whatever you were in that you truly believed that you understood the world.

First thing on my Agenda. My relationship with Yellow is falling to pieces. Not how it was before. Because even if we end up hating each other, that is still a type of a relationship. But it seems that everything that we have and had is falling into this chasm where it'll never be seen again. One day we'll just stop existing to each other. I'll just be a happy smiling shadow on her memories, and she'll be another sepia stained Polaroid among all the photographs of sights I never want to forget, but will probably never manage to see again. 

I think I am doomed to be a traveler.

I really don't want it to happen. I mean, she was and is still important to me. There's still an emotional bond with her that I don't really want to get rid of. And then there's the logical point of the fact that I've spent so much effort already, it'd be a waste to give up. It would damage me if I gave up, because I can't bear to admit it.

I think I will listen to How starting now. In my life, I fight and fight until things get too hard, and then I cut my losses. I pack up and leave because I believe that there is no happy ending. But for this one, I think I'm going to keep fighting. Because we've built this. Something important to me. And I'm not just going to let it disappear. Not unless it beats the shit out of me first.

So now. Lets see. Tutoring was boring. Totally not what I was expecting. I was expecting to HELP someone in some way shape or form. But really it turned out that she's like "I have a B, and it's an honours class. I kinda have problems with Macromolecules." Except she pretty much knew everything. So it's like, why did you need a tutor exactly? She studies like a pro. Takes ridiculously in depth notes. 10 times a better student than I am/was. So it's like "What am I doing here? She could probably tutor me."

Did not see Mime or Star all day. I expected to see both of them at some point. But noooo. Star was absent. And if Mime was in school I obviously didn't see her, which is kind of a bummer. Well. It's the main bummer actually

The highlights of my days are actually the looks that I exchange with people in the hallways. It provides fuel for thought for the rest of the day pretty much. Well it depends on who they are. Predictable stuff loses its ability to fuel my head after a while. Star will always smile, Mime will have a grin, (seeing as I don't want to come up with names for these other people...) one will always make a Rock face, another will always do the nod thing whatever. I have that thing with the German, and S. And while those are all nice, they have no varity. I can always guess what will happen.

I kinda like those from the group. The ones that will look at you, and not know what to do. Because they know you, but they don't know you. It's like this conflict behind their eyes. It's kinda interesting to see. Because they aknowledge you on one level, but on another, they see straight through you.

Anyway. I'm mad tired. It's later than I thought.

Out~

There are no comments to this entry.