Really, I was kind of waiting for it. Hope though, is something that is fun while it lasts. Though I guess in a sense, there is always hope. But I have this idea in my head that I wasn't really meant to deserve something like that. And today everything seemed to have fallen apart. I just watched it. I just moved through it. Letting it fall into the past.

It's kind of like "Game Over" from The Beach. There's a couple of seconds before you actually lose in which you realize that you've lost. For example, in Mirror's Edge, when you risk it and take a big jump, you realize halfway through the jump that you're not going to make it to the next building. You're going to die.

So, I saw my Game Over coming, and I felt kind of sad. I made a weak attempt to stop it, but I knew that it was going to happen anyway.

But now what's really bothering me is that I was right in another way. In a way that I didn't expect. See, I fully expected what I had in my head to not succeed, for a couple of reasons. The most glaringly obvious one was that I started moving way too late. It's like joining a five mile race when everyone else is on their third mile. There's no way in hell you're going to win, unless something catastrophic happens to the people in the front. Also, just because the way I am. I'm kind of a shadow. Star got me right. I try to blend and disappear.

But when I was walking Sage, I started to think about the connections. The Strings. And I played around with different possibilities. I took one in particular and I guess solidified it, changing it from what I saw to what I wanted. Ever since then, it hasn't changed, which is weird, because usually when I think of something, it mutates and changes A LOT, just because my mind wanders. But this hasn't changed, and today it expanded. Now I think that expansion is actually reality. It's weird. It's also still giving me hope. I just need to change my center, because I have the right string.

I don't know.

Wow, that was freaking confusing to write. hahaha, it makes more sense in my head.

Anyway, I want to finish this up quickly, seeing as I'm getting crazy tired.

My laptop finally works again! My Dad is apparently very handy with computers, which I did not know. It's been wiped to a completely new computer pretty much. I've spent the last few hours talking to Jo and installing Driver after Driver. Everything works as far as I know. And on Saturday, I'll go to Mike to get my Photoshop back, along with some serous protection for my computer. Seeing as far as virus protection goes I still trust him more than my Father.

Blah. I don't know. I'm so freaking tired. Tomorrow I'll have to put all my music back on this computer, and then restore some of my programs. I need music on my phone, I need a pretty desktop and I want all my documents back where they belong. I also want to make Yahoo my homepage again, but I'm having issues with that.

Out~