Today was a freaking wonderful day. So yesterday's depressed messed up stuff is kinda behind me. I'll still put it down anyway.

My Zune officially died yesterday. The touch pad doesn't work. So I'll have to either get it fixed, or just buy a new one. I really like it, honestly. A lot of my friends have iPods and I've played with those, and really, I still pick the Zune. The software might be a pain in the beginning. But all I do now, is keep everything on my iTunes, and when I need to get more music on my Zune, I just plug it in and bang bang bang. The Zune program opens up, syncs itself with the new music on my iTunes, and then puts that music on my Zune. The only thing that I wished was different is that the Zune came with a wall charger. That would be amazing.

So anyway. I've gone back to old-school disks and CD player. I thought that broke today, and nearly freaked out. Turned out it just needed new batteries. haha

Also. My phone was given to me and then taken from me shortly after. Bummer right? Apparently I didn't show enough appreciation, and so my Dad decided to take it from me and give it to me on Saturday as a wrapped up present. Story behind this one is as follows

I had a SHITTY day. I didn't run my errands when I got home because I didn't trust myself in a car. So I had to run them after Kempo, but of course, the post closed earlier than I thought. So I couldn't get my package out. So I come back home and he's like "Your phone's on the counter, fully charged." Doesn't look at me, doesn't get up. I expected him to give me the box when I got home, and I would be happy and excited. But no. It as the most impersonal thing in the world. So he was pissed that I got upset at him.

ODD thing is though. Today he asked me if it was alright if he gave it to me Saturday as a gift. And I was totally okay with it. I think it was more out of the fact that I was happy that he asked me my opinion. Despite the fact that there's a lot of conflict between me and my Dad, I still love him.

Cue "Awwwww" track.

Okay.

That was yesterday.

Today was a pretty chill day.

Whatever, I'll just skip to the most important part.

I got a random call from Howster, and he asked if I could come down last period. Seeing as I needed to talk to him anyway, I agreed. So on my way down the office, I pass Star. I don't really wave or talk to her in the halls.

 It's just a group friendship, which means we acknowledge each other with knowing glances. But never with an actual Hello....I think I want to change that. With all the people of the group. Why the hell should we be a secret faction? That's something for later though.

Anyway. Because Howhow is the best person in the school, and I'm in his office so much, I just use his back door. (This is important later for the irony)

So anyway. Get in there. And he starts talking to me about my little breakdown in his office last week. And he said that he's not asking for me to open up like I did that time, but to just explain how I felt, because he was bringing in someone that would understand. So it was just a little conversation, not anything huge.

I personally thought by the mood he seemed to be in before he started talking, he was going to ask about my History grade. Which is less than satisfactory. Even though, like I promised, I've been on top of the game like a kid with a brand new PlayStation.

So he goes out into the front room to go grab this person. I'm starting to get a little nervous. Because honestly, I trust the guy with my life, but opening up to people is scary for me. It's an experience I know I need to heal my mind and spirit and make me who I am, but still. I'm used to not telling anyone anything.

So he brings in Star. GOOOO figure.

I'm guessing that when I passed her in the hall, she was going to the front door, which is where the secretary is. I went straight into his office. I was happy though. I had talked to her before, so I trusted her already. So despite the fact that I told some things that are extremely sensitive to me, I felt a degree of comfort in it. So the total people who know about the 8 year old me now come to 5 people. But really, two of those five were present at the time of the action, so they don't really count.

I've only one other person than Star and How.

But somehow it felt right. Brother got me thinking about pasts and how it affects who you are as a person today. And how things that you think you forgot about, may be the actual root and eventual solution to your problem or issue.

So I thought I'd start there.

I have a bunch of other questions I want to ask Star, and I think I'll see if I can get her on Facebook. I'd like to talk to her in real life again, but knowing how busy How is, I don't know. Although if I express my interest to him about it, I'm sure he'll make it happen. He's God like that.

I also told them about my blog. Not the URL, though that might come later. Who knows. I know How knows that this blog exists, and that I write to express myself.

Though again this is kind of a secret. Brother knows about it, Yellow knows about it, and so does Dani. But that's pretty much it. S used to, but I doubt she comes on anymore. She doesn't like Drama, and this is where I put it all.

Anyway. After school, I got all my errands done, which made me happy. I also found a book store in the middle of Bristol. So I was like "OMG!" I went in, and it was adorable really. It was this nice little store, with a small but decent selection. I bought a few books, and now I'm pretty much broke. Although, I just found like 70 bucks in checks that I haven't cashed.

Kempo was really good. I had a bunch of Crucible homework, but that didn't bother me, because I'm really liking the play. I think I may read more at my leisure just because the story and the things he writes are really amazing.

So Kempo. We didn't learn anything new really. But it felt good for the first time in a long time. It felt right in my body. Maybe because it hurt. I don't know. But it made me even more happy. To the point where I was like giddy, and when I got home I ended up letting compliments fly towards S like a machine gun. She probably now thinks I was flirting with her (and a bit with her friend) to a ridiculous degree for who I am.

I'm normally very sarcastic and an asshole in that loveable way that makes you smile. Or at least I try hahaha.

But yeah. When I have trouble controlling what I'm saying, it usually means an excess of a certain emotion. This time it was happiness. So I'm not complaining.

I have to go to sleep now. I'm going to NYC!!! Yeaaah. I'm excited. I love going to cities. I get really tired of the whole "We live in the woods!" Besides, the group I'm going with is pretty good. At least from my class. I like Holland, Val, and Gandhi. Though the three of them would never get along in a single group, I really like talking to them.

It's been real everyone!

Out~