Okay, let's see.

I didn't post last night because I was at Ben's place, which was surprisingly fun and not boring. Although of course, beers came out, which was retarded, because Ben got in a bit of trouble with that. Luckily though, because there were only two cans, and three of us, his Dad believed they were from a later time.

I saw Brick yesterday. Pretty freaking awesome movie. Though to a certain degree it was unbelievable. These are kids in high school, but they're getting in some huge plots and gang/drug wars. Although there is a possibility that things like that go on, I doubt it. It felt like something that would occur between adults in their thirties, not kids in their late teens. Although all the characters were pretty amazing. Played by very good actors, and they had a decent amount of depth to them. There were also some good shots. Especially when Dode gets killed. Probably my favourite shot. 

We went to Ben's house and did some sledding. Which even though each run was pretty short lived, and me and Con got injured. Him more than me. It was fun.

From there, they went to go drink up in the pool house, but it wasn't that bad really. I went up to the roof with Con, and we just looked at the view.

That was probably the best part of the night in my opinion. It was cold, and the wind was blowing gently. The sky was mind shattering. I climbed to the highest part of the roof and stood up, and just looked at the horizon. My view ended with the mountains. There were clouds covering the stars, but there were some breaks where a hazy red was able to sneak into the canvas. And it didn't matter that I couldn't see the stars, because the lights of civilization took their role. I think that when I get my camera I'm going to sneak back there one night and get some pictures.

But I was talking about it that night too. I'm kind of bored with my life. What is there really in it? Teenage dramas? I think about girls, school, kempo, music, books, writing, and just things in general. I'm just kind of coasting through life. I follow the path that all people are told to walk.

I'm born and rely on my parents. I have childhood, where there are few cares. I drift away from my parents, trying to become more independent. I set up a bunch of numbers for myself that'll help my future. I become completely independent from my parents and start my final training for life. Then I'm in life. Make money, find a home, find a wife, make children, raise them, retire, and die.

It feels like that's the framework for every human in the world. And like a lot of things in which we are given templates for, they end up being pretty similar. There are few people that take advantage of what they have and make the most of it.

Maybe because everything has a cost? And it's not just monetary. I think I asked a good question last night, because it definitely stopped Con, which is something.

What are you willing to pay? And I don't mean just money. Money is kind of a given. But there are other things we'd have to pay too. Are you willing to pay with the people you know? Are you willing to pay with a normal future?

To get rid of boredom, we must sell it first. But boredom is a difficult thing to get rid of. I have seventeen years of boredom saved up. Even if I really want to do something, how much of those years am I willing to spend?

Truth be told though. I've already been forced to spend like 11 of those years to erase my past. That was the trade. To recreate who I am as a person. To find strength. I had to sell all I knew. It was a steep price, it was a painful price in some parts. But it was well worth it.

After high school, college comes with a price too. High school is what is sold. How far you can fly from the coop is totally dependent on how much of your past is sold. For me at least, that price is smaller.

But to travel the world like I want to. I have to sell my family. I have to sell my country. I have to sell everything except my body, and two people. Essentially at least, that's the idea. Expensive, no?

I guess all this thinking about it is pointless. Sometimes, like jumping off the roof of the pool house, you have to stop wondering where you're going to land, and how you're going to land, and just fuck it. Fuck it and jump.

Tonight I'm going to that abandoned ranch looking thing. I don't know what it is. But I've never been inside of it. For me, the darkness is like a gift card. It has a certain amount loaded onto it that I can spend on little things. This exploration trip is within the boundaries of this spending limit.

Out~