Wow it feels like it's been forever since I've done one of these.

I guess it has been like forever. Pretty much a month. Well, a week off from being a month. But still, it's pretty damn close.

So a lot has happened, and nothing has happened.

The reason I've been away from my blog so long is that I had been pretty much dealing with things in a different way. To the point where I almost completely abandoned this thing. I had just been walking around my neighborhood in the dark. And that felt so comforting and real that there was no point in writing anything down. But I still like this blog. It's like my little child, and I don't have the heart to abandon it. Although, most likely if I go out walking, I probably wont write anything in it. Of course, school and Kempo and such makes this a little more difficult.

Let's see. Bringing up to speed.

I guess as a teenage boy, there are a few large portions of my life.

Girls. the fun one, no? I've pretty much ended up back in square one in this department. I would love to say that I haven't moved forward. But at this point it's, I've gone backwards. This has always bothered me to a degree, but at the moment it also doesn't bother me. I guess it depends on what I'm doing. Like I watched a tv show where this chick who has like has the inability to interact socially with people, still ends up picking up a guy. Granted. He was a schizo. But honestly, I feel like a schizo sometimes, so it doesn't matter. That bothered me though. Like, why the hell did that happen? Other times it's just like. Whatever. It'll happen when it happens. If I just live life, someone is eventually going to pop into it and force me to stop.

That's another thing that's pissed me off. The girl that I did like. No longer acknowledges my existence. It's like "Wow, I told you a lot about myself. And you did the same...and what? You forget?" I think that's one thing that bothers me the most. If I feel like I entered someone's life. Became their friend. And then all of a sudden, I'm forgotten. Well. Fuck it all. This is why I want to travel the world. At least then my seemingly amazing ability to slip in and out of people's lives will be beneficial.

And I fucking hate Firefox spell check. And how it decides to stop working halfway through a document.

Anyway. So it looks like I'm going to be single for a long time.

And I think I'm okay with that. That's one thing that I felt when I went out for my walks. Like all the stuff that weighed me down, suddenly disappeared in the dark, and I was able to see everything clearly. I don't know what I want consciously. My unconscious mind wants something, and I'm going to let it. Just let things happen. Go with the flow.

School.

I'm actually doing better in school. Go figure. It's all from cracking down and doing my homework. It's not like I do better on tests. I do the same. But instead of getting shit grades (in my parents' opinions) I'm getting great grades. Though I have a couple of classes that I have issue with

Spanish: We have a replacement because our other shitty teacher had a baby. So now we have a shittier teacher. I also realized that I DO like Spanish. I like learning. But my ability to enjoy learning is dependent on the person who is teaching. I loved my teacher in Freshman year. I learned so much. SO MUCH. This year. I know shit. She saps my desire to learn. I want to punch her in the face. Break her retarded fat jaw. I do like the class though. I can't deny that. There are a couple people who I wished would go crawl in a hole with the teacher. But I really like everyone else.

Creative Writing: YES. I'm in creative writing now. I met Connor's Jen too! She's mad cool. Along with her friend. So those are all pluses. The table I sit at is pretty freaking amazing. The class though, is all seniors. It's a senioritis class. There are a couple people that enjoy writing. There are a few that love Twilight so much, they want to "learn how to write". So they write in this shitty pre-pubescent teen slobbering all over a Jonas Brothers poster way. Which is obnoxious. Then the rest just wanted an easy class and have no desire to do anything.

So here I am. Wanting to actually do something. But the assignments that we do are so bland, or way too personal for me to get into them. I hope that we start doing something interesting soon. Because it started off so promising. But even our journal entries, I just want them to go crawl up an expo marker and die.

I still don't know what to think of the teacher.

BUT SOMETHING GOOD COMES OUT OF THIS

I've joined Photography Club. I went to my first meeting today, and it's filled with a bunch of cool people. Cookie and S are there, along with Connor's Jen, Piss and Teddy Bear. Well. I think she's there. I saw a picture of her on the site. But anyway. That looks very very promising. We're going to go on trips and such. And I have a feeling that all the riff-raff will be dropped within the next couple meetings, and we'll be left with a bunch of goodies.

Something also kinda interesting. I guess I could say. It's worked! I would describe myself as a very shy person. I don't like talking to people really. I feel like I have to hide more often than not. And I feel I have trouble making friends. I've wanted to change that. And I actually have. S and I have an argument yesterday about how I'm not shy. I said I was, she said I wasn't. I guess she wins, because she's more shy than I am. But the funny thing is, I see how I used to be in her.

Group!

Group might get very very interesting soon. I think everyone is a liar in there, honestly. They're all like "We can't think deep like you." And it's all bullshit. Naturally. How told me to go into his room again, and talk to the person inside. And it was someone from the group, who said that she understands and listens to me. Of course. She doesn't talk. And it frustrates me. Because I sit there sounding like I'm insane, and everyone just lets me be.

Oh and also! How is starting an "Outside the box" group. Though when this is going to happen, I have no idea. Seeing as things with him usually take a freaking age and a half. We still have like half a year left though. So who knows. Maybe it'll actually get started up towards the end of the year.

Anything else? Not right now I think. I want to go to bed.